Stabdads--A Father's Strife
by mayhemb
Summary: Mentions of alcohol, sex, and heavy profanity. A collection of little snippets about the Stabdad's and their young kids. I'm open to ideas, so leave them in the comments, and I'll see what I can do.


Hello there avid fanfiction reader. I am Mayhemb, and I have to say, I am in love with the Stabdads, and the concept of them. Thus, I have happily decided to start writing a story for them..I don't exactly know where or when this will end, or when I shall stop..But for now, these will either be little prompt set in Humanstuck most likely, or should I get a story rolling, I'll properly title it.

Headcannons for the Crew:

Slick: darker skinned Juan Jose Padilla (seriously, look this guy up and tell me he isn't Slick material)

...And yeah, that's my only real set-in-stone headcannon for these guys. However, if you want a better representation in comparison, I do like this little number from a mobsterdadsrp on tumblr post/31339382870/regarding-the-midnight-crew-felt-sleuths

My only off statement being that my Karkat headcannon is he's hella albino...Plus, I imagine Deuce to be a lot smaller...

Anyways, enjoy!

This first chapter being...Well, how they got the kids.

* * *

 **-Slick-**

Slick gave a low slew of curses as he put one of his many knives back into his pocket, an annoyed look on his face. His cellphone was haphazardly spewn over the corpses that laid out before him..Well, the parts of his cellphone, at least. A part of him rather favored that turn of events, knowing that Droog would have called him, and start assaulting his ears with who knows how many disapproving silences.

But, hey, no skin off his back. He'd just get a new cellphone.

Originally, he had come to this backwater portion of his Midnight City to try and see if rumors of the Felt hiding out here were true..Needless to say, it was. Though, none of the top tiered assholes that he usually had to deal with, just new, sniveling little lackeys.

He stepped outside of the little shit hole of a factory, glancing around him lazily, contemplating on if he should hit up a bar or not for his good day of bloodshed. After all, a working man like himself needed a good ol' reward for protecting his City from the likes of those green wearing wimps.

..He glanced back at the building that he was leaving behind, and a small little smirk arose on his face. Yeah, he did deserve a couple of rounds...What the hell, Droog can look after the Crew for the night, he was going out to celebrate...!

 **-time skip-**

...

A low groan came from his mouth as he awoke up to wailing, bleary eyes slowly blinking open. So, maybe a 'couple of rounds' wasn't all that he partook in..But hey, it was hard to say no to Slick. He just had that kind of personality...Where if you did say no to him, rest assured buddy, that's the last thing you'll ever say aga-WOULD SOMEONE STOP THAT FUCKING CRYING?!

He groaned, slowly rising up from his cozy little spot on the hard floor, and glanced around..Some shabby room..Dead guy on the ground beside him, with a knife happily nestled into the guy's back..The sobbing that was in the same frequency as nails on a chalkboard coming from somewhere to his left..

The eye patch wearing male sighed as he scratched his cheek, going to the kitchen as he started up a little coffee maker that he found in the kitchen. A part of him was desperately trying to ignore the wailing, and smiled a bit when it stopped for a moment..

Only to give a loud yell when, mid-way of pouring the cup of coffee, the banshee screeches started up all over again.

"FUCK IT!" He exclaimed, throwing the barely filled mug at the wall before stomping towards the sound that was assaulting his ears. He had pulled out one of his trusty knives, kicking open the door and-Holy shit there was a baby...

..

Slick paused for a moment, lips pursing as he stared at the flailing infant before him that was residing in a crib...Slowly, he put the knife away, and went towards the baby, glaring down at it... "SHUT UP!"

The infant paused, looking at him with tear filled eyes. For a moment, the male thought he had succeeded, and turned to go back to the coffee that was awaiting him. Yet he winced as the sound started up again, practically doubling in doubling in volume.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT?!" He shouted as he whipped back around, lurching over the crib's side...Only to recoil back and hold his nose, his stomach flipping when he smelt something foul..

Shit...Literally.

 **-time skip-**

Slick had closed the door to the room and had left it alone, calling up his boys. After all, dead guy on the floor after a bunch of the Felt was murdered?..Sounded like a typical Spade Slick Stab-Happy Sunday, and the police knew it to...Plus, he was too lazy to start cleaning up.

When his boys had gotten there, they instantly heard the sounds of the sobbing infant..Hearts had practically sped off to the room, with a curious Deuce following right after him..

Droog looked at his questionable leader with a blank look... "So..What happened?"

"What the fuck do you _think_ happened?"

"You got drunk, blacked out most likely, and ended up here."

"Well, there ya go, You know the whole story Droog, now, get ready to clean-"

"What should we do with the infant?"

...Slick paused, having started to return to the kitchen to get his ninth cup of coffee that morning... "What d'ya mean 'what do we do with it'? We leave it."

"You and I know very well that Hearts won't take kindly to that option."

"Well too bad, because we don't have room for little shits...!"

Droog gave a sigh, watching as Deuce raced back into the room, a grin on his face. "You guys, there's a baby!"

"Yes, we know, Deuce."

"No-Deuce, you don't get it, he's so cute...! He's even got Slick's grumpy face...!" The small man was beaming happily, bouncing on his feet. "Boxcar already changed his diaper, so they're coming down now."

"Wha-NO! We're leaving the little shitmaker and that's final!"

However the loud leader was tuned out as Boxcar came in and bee-lined to the kitchen, rummaging around with the sobbing infant in his arms. A look of annoyance soon became apparent as he had issues looking around, due to only one hand being of use... "Slick, c'mere."

"Why?"

"Just _do it_."

..Slowly, while giving the muscle of the group a suspicious look, Slick went over to him... "Alright, what-"

"Hold this." Hearts had turned and inserted the little blubbery infant into Slick's arms. "Support his neck, 'm gonna find the formula."

"Wha-HEARTS! Take this piece of-"

"You killed his dad." The large male snapped back, leering down at his boss. "Either you support his neck, or the paramedics'll support your's in a few minutes."

..While there was a very high chance of Slick just beating the tar out of Boxcar, an almost insatiable itch in fact at the moment..Slick just gave a grumble as he stood there with the sobbing child.

With two hands, Hearts managed to find a little box of formula and a bottle, and began making the child's drink...When asked how he knew what to do from a curious Deuce, he shrugged. "I see it all the time in my soap operas 'n shows."

With the bottle made, and forced into Slick's hand...The male could only glare down at the baby as it began to eagerly gulp down the sour smelling liquid..

"..So, what're we gonna do with him, Boss?" the shortest member of the crew asked, sitting in a chair as he sipped from a cup of coffee.

However, Slick didn't get to say as Boxcar interrupted. "We're keepin' him."

"Like hell we are!"

" _Hey_ , if you think we're just gonna drop this kid off somewhere, then you're wrong Slick." Boxcar grumbled out. "It's a fuckin' baby, and his dad probably didn't even do anythin' wrong..Well, besides let _you_ into his house...You're always tellin' us to deal with our own shit, so you get to deal with this."

"Wha-That is COMPLETELY different than actually doing this! Droog, back me up here...!"

"...Hm.." The dapper looking man paused as he puffed out a cloud of smoke.. "...I'm in favor of Boxcar's decision."

" _WHAT?!_ " The nerve! The man who was his right hand had turned on him during this tragic moment.

Deuce grinned as he stood up from his chair, raising his hand. "I am too..!"

"GOD DAMN IT DEUCE!"

After an hour of arguing, Slick found himself still trapped within the corner from his three men...Thus, with a small grumble, Slick ended up leaving with them, the little shitmaker in his arms..

 **-time skip-**

Back at the hide out, Slick was still glaring at the little tyke as he was laid out on the diaper changing station, Boxcar showing him how to do the task.

"-Ya take the wipe, 'n make sure he's clean underneath. Got it?" An 'enthusiastic' nod was given from Slick as he rolled his eyes, watching with 'interest'. "...Hm...Well, after that, you can start wrappin' him up aga-"

The bulky man suddenly gave a sputtering yell when he was met with a golden liquid to the face, the little albino boy having decided it was pee time..While Hearts was rubbing and spitting, swearing to the high heavens...

Slick was laughing his ass off, holding his forehead with a grin. Maybe this little runt wasn't so bad...

His little Karkat.

* * *

 **/Droog\**

It came to no one's surprise when people would hear that Droog was nothing short of a lady's man. Able to charm many women into giving him their time, and even more than a few nights of entertainment. He enjoyed the thought, in all honesty..Almost mockingly as he thought of how minute all of Boxcar's relationships had been in comparison to his practical army of women that he had spent an evening with.

His tastes were often rather distinct though, about who he shared his own bed with. Not many woman actually got to go to his own chambers, since often times he would be invited to their place..However, there were times when even he would allow the fairer sex to peruse through his lavish sheets and enjoy themselves for the evening.

...

However, he didn't think that this would come out of it.

It had occurred during fall, a few months after their little ragtag bunch had acquired Karkat, when Droog had gotten a visitor of the most oddest variety.

"HEY DROOG." Slick's voice boomed out, Karkat spending time with Boxcar.

The dapper man blinked up, half expecting his leader to be stomping in with a look of rage..Instead, he actually had to call out to the leader, closing the book he had been reading. "Yes?"

"C'mere a sec...!" There was a snicker in his voice..And already, Droog was beginning to worry just what the male had found.

He quickly made strides towards their main room, lips pursed as he entered. Before him was Slick, the front door opened and the male shaking as he tried to hide his laughter..Cautiously, though he didn't portray it as such, Droog went over to him... "Yes...?"

"Pft...Congrats... _Daddy_."

The word was spilled out along with the laughter as Slick ended up falling to the ground, believing this to be the greatest thing ever..While Droog could only stare at a little basket that resided on their doorsteps..Inside, beneath a red blanket, was a tiny infant along with a note.

He brushed past his laughing leader and unfolded the parchment, looking over the hastily written words.

" _She's your's. Her name's Aradia, born April 4, and she doesn't like formula. Good luck, and use a condom next time._ "

..That was all.

He flipped the paper over, as if expecting more, only to find that there was nothing else..

Slowly he looked down at the tiny basket that contained the little infant, and knelt down to open her carrier a bit more. She was a peaceful one, her eyes closed as she took quick breaths, her lungs hungry for air..

A few little dark brown tuffs of hair had already started to grow from her head, contemplating her olive skin tone.

..Silently, he picked up the basket and carried it inside, allowing Slick to almost choke himself from his laughter..

He rounded the corners to his own room, gently placing the woven basket down on his plush bed, and brought a chair over..Just..Looking at the little infant, joining his hands together as he thought about what to do..

There were a million roads that laid out before him, in all honesty, of actions he could take..Of leaving her with another, or perhaps just doing a gruesome task and ensuring that she doesn't breathe again...

After all, a child was a dangerous thing for him to have.

He was the cold and cruel, calculating right hand to his fiery leader..The only emotion he ever showed was the bitterness of his harsh revenge. For a weakness such as this to suddenly come about, and get known..

Well, it may ruin him, and his motely Crew..

However, his thoughts were interrupted as the little female started to shift and whimper a bit, kicking her tiny legs. With a small gasp, her hazel eyes blinked open through her thick eye lashes.

She fussed in her basket, looking around with small panicked breathes .Before finally her eyes laid on Droog, and she seemed to freeze..

His stare was known to frighten many, to strike a fringed cold metal bar into any heart.

Yet...

The infant, Aradia..She began to smile, and gave a laugh as she saw the stern male before her. Needless to say, he felt his eye twitch in irritation.

He stood up, and opened his bedroom door, Aradia not taking her eyes off of him as he put his head out of the doorway.. "Boxcar, come here."

There was a thick grumble as the male came towards his superior, and was about to ask what he wanted..Only to blink in surprise when he heard Aradia's little giggle. His head whipped up as he peeked up from over Droog's head...And a grin erupted on his face. "Aw, ya got a lil' girl, huh? 's that what Slick's dyin' over? Here, lemme see her."

Swiftly Droog stepped away, and watched as the behemoth went over to the giggling girl. With a chuckle, Hearts knelt before her... "Heh, she's pretty cute...Bet'cha she's 'bout five months or so..Older than Karkat..."

"Yes, I know..What should I do about her though?"

"What d'ya mean 'do about her'?"

"What steps should I take? Should I go about and prepare things, or should I simply allow her to stay as she is?"

...Boxcar sighed as he thought, a task which took a while...Droog enjoyed being ahead of things, and planning prior to occasions. He needed to get things sorted out before things got choppy, or out of hand... "...Go to the store 'n get some stuff...She's probably gonna start teethin' soon, since her teeth ain't in yet..."

"Very well." Droog nodded his head as he began to get himself ready to venture outside.. "..Must I bring her along aswell?"

"Yeah, if ya wanna...I mean, she may not like somethin' if you don't bring her along." Boxcar murmured, smiling as Aradia was grasping his finger. "Aw, you're a tough lil' girl, ain't ya?"

"...Hm..."

 **-time skip-**

To say the least, shopping with a young infant was rather odd...Yet, even odder to say, that it was also rather rewarding.

As he had stepped foot into the store with a small list of things that Boxcar had recommended he buy, he noticed even more stares than usual from the female audiences..Some whispering to their friends as he would walk past with the little giggling girl in her newly bought carrier..

After a bit of time, his ears finally pricked up in interest, once he managed to hear two of the women.

"-I'm serious Becky, single dads are _so_ hot." Droog paused a bit at this information, blinking to himself..He always found that his single bachelor lifestyle was more preferred than that of a parent's... "They're just..So gentle, and caring towards their kids...!"

...Hmm..

He gave a glance down at Aradia, who was biting on a little teething ring that he had already acquired for her..Before gently patting her head, and kissing to the top of it..Perhaps, he should experiment a bit with this new information...

 **~time skip~**

The experiment was rather successful, it seemed. With Droog leaving with not only his purchases for the young girl, but a good mound of phone numbers from woman who would be 'more than happy to help' him with Aradia. He was carefully putting his purchases in the car he had borrowed, since his own muscle car didn't have back seats, Boxcar's had been taken out of need for the space, and for the fact that it was safer for the young infant..

As he was buckling in her little car carrier though, he had to pause for a moment when her tiny hands had grasped his tie..He looked at her, blinking a bit at the babbling little infant..Before sighing, and carefully kissing the top of her head.

Despite himself and his rather conflicting feelings about having a child to begin with..She had done a good day's work of getting him attention of the more feminine demographic.. "Very good, Aradia..Very good."

* * *

 **[Boxcar and Deuce]**

Boxcar, in all honesty, had always pictured himself as a father. Well, atleast, when compared to the rest of his team..Slick would most likely stab the kid, Droog may never touch the infant in fear of getting dirty, and Deuce...Deuce might blow the kid up..

But, hey, that was all in his mind in all honesty.

Imagine his surprise though when he would turn the corner to see Slick lounging on the couch with a beer, with Karkat resting against his torso and drinking from his own bottle..

Or whenever he would catch sight of Droog carefully arranging Aradia's outfits as she would be so fascinated with her own toes instead..

It was an oddity that was rather welcoming to the large male, and would often bring a smile to his face.

However along with this feeling of pleasure and happiness also came feelings of regret and jealousy. After all, he was the most caring and romantic fella in this joint, yet he was also the most lonely.

Who was the one who could dish out so much romantic advice that it could make people sick?

Who was the one who could make anybody cry from his own retelling of sad stories (or from punching them when they didn't cry..)?

Who was the one who was the biggest and softest sweetheart there was, yet could still kill a man for messing with his kid?

HIM!

And yet...

Here he sat in his own room, morose and silent as he listened to Slick's bombastic drunk laughter..Most likely from watching Karkat glare at things, the little 'shitmaker' was he was refereed to made hilarious grumpy faces apparently.

...

He just...Wanted a chance...

 **-x-**

Deuce was down in the dumps as he sat in his little work room, carefully crafting his bombs. A little cloud of jealousy and depression had formed over the usually cheerful member of the Crew. Just seeing those sweet kids, and not getting one of his own...

Heck, Slick wasn't even around most _adults_ , yet he was still allowed to have Karkat..! Sure, it was only after they had kind of forced him into the position that this thought had dawned on them...But still!

And Droog.

Geez, a part of him wondered if the guy liked Aradia, or the perks that came with raising her. The opportunity to dress up a little girl, and parade her about to get more females to flock to his little chamber of secrets..

A small frown soon worked its way onto Deuce's face as he paused after completing another one of his weapons. A sigh escaped his mouth, gently resting his face against his table as his shoulders slumped.

..

It wasn't fair...

Sure, Deuce understood that sometimes he could be a bit dangerous and reckless. He understood that rather well, with how everyone reminded him about it..Yet if Slick, the guy who would stab walls whenever his sports teams would miss during a little game, could get a kid..

Then why couldn't he?!

He slowly rose up from his hunched over position, and rubbed fitfully away the tears that dared to come out of his eyes. No, no tears. Some of his explosives didn't react well to water, and he didn't want to blow up the room again.

But..

...

He sighed again, his eyes still getting teary..

He just...

Wanted a chance..

 **-x-**

Boxcar and Deuce had been told simply to go dump a couple of bodies, a task that they weren't unfamiliar with. It used to be way back when, that it was due to Slick and Droog needed to get back to the base, to ensure that they weren't going to be raided...

"-Now though, it's cause they got _kids_ waitin' for them..." The larger male complained to his companion.

"Yeah...Must be nice, huh?"

"Well, I mean..Ya know, after all the baby stuff...The cryin', feedin', 'n poopin'...Yeah, I think so."

Deuce gave a soft sigh as he rested back in his seat, picking listlessly at the cushion beneath him.. "..Do you want kids, Boxcar?"

"Hell yeah I do. I mean, yeah, I know it's dangerous as all hell for us to have kids...But.."

..It was a feeling that neither of them could really describe. Of an unquestionable urge that was just boiling up within them, especially seeing their team mates with children also..

"..But, hey, we can't think 'bout that right now. We gotta get rid of these bodies before sunrise."

"..Yeah, I know..."

-time skip-

Boxcar was frowning a bit as he and his team mate, who could easily also be his best friend, re-entered his car. They were dirty, and tired.

They still had a lot of time to spare, having done their job in silence that night from the clouds that hung over their heads...

"..How 'bout we go the scenic route, huh?" Boxcar asked, giving a little smile to the usually cheerful male. "We can even stop by the store 'n get some ice cream."

"..Just the scenic route, Boxcar..I'm..I jut wanna go and rest tonight."

"Alright.."

The little scenic route that they took often took them towards some older buildings. It was pretty nice, actually.

An old florist shop, a penny candy store that was far past the current times, and other places. During this time of the year, the trees were easily coming undone, with amber and golden leaves falling slowly.

The car ride through the lovely scene was sullen however, with the car being the main source of sound in the cramped little space..

However both of them seemed to perk up when they each noticed a sign..

Orphanage..

...

They glanced at each other, wide eyed and curious. "..Ya know, Box..I-I'm sure Slick and Droog wouldn't notice us being gone for-"

Already, Hearts was driving towards the building, and Deuce was just grinning away.

The establishment itself was a small household of brick, an iron fence around them. They parked a bit away from the entrance, smiling to each other when they saw that the opening was open..

And already, they saw a little basket on the front porch.

They tiptoed towards the bundle, and peeked into the basket. A little boy that a bit younger than Aradia, with dark brown hair and deeply tanned skin..He was nestled in a brown blanket, with a stuffed bull beside him.

...

Deuce looked up at Boxcar, who already seemed smittened with the kid..Before the younger male went to the window, and slid it open a bit. "Deuce, what're ya-"

"Sh..!" The shorter male hissed out, looking at his companion. With the silence finally given, the dwarf-ish man slid the window open more, and snuck inside.

He carefully transferred the hallways, tiptoeing and sneaking around the corners..Before grinning when he finally made it to the infant's room. The bomb maker almost felt a bit over whelmed with so many cribs carrying bundles of joy...

Yet, finally, he decided on one of the tykes. A black haired infant that was in a yellow and black stripped onsie, how cute~!

With the infant in a blanket, he snuck back outside with a bright grin towards the almost-having-a-heart attack Boxcar... "Let's go...!"

-time skip-

... "So...If I got this all correctly.." Droog hummed out, standing in front of the child-holding Deuce and Boxcar. He and Slick had actually been talking over plans, when the two had returned. "...You had dumped the bodies, and miraculously found these infants...Where you were dumping the bodies, being carried in, by storks."

"Yep!"

"Basically..." Boxcar grumbled out, Deuce having been the one to make up the story..Could you tell?

"...That's-"

"Sounds 'bout right ta me..."

...Droog pursed his lips, looking back at the heavily intoxicated Slick.. "Slick, go to bed, you're drunk."

"No- _you're_ drunk!"

The second-in-command hissed out a sigh through his lips as he pinched the bridge of his nose. This idiot...After a moment, his annoyance subsided, and he slowly looked from Boxcar to Deuce, and then back... "...I expect you both to take care of your young ones, and if you do anything reckless, then we shall take them away."

Boxcar looked ready to yell, yet even just shifting had made his little bundle start to stir...He could only nod his head slowly along with Deuce.

"You bet Droog, no funny business..Well, besides the little jokes and stuff, but that'll be funny for their sake though..!"

"..Yes..." The diamond-lover could only give a tired sigh now, rubbing the back of his neck as he turned around to get himself a drink...He needed one right now.

* * *

Well, there we go.

All of the dads got their kids in the end.

A fun fact, Aradia's birthday is very intentional. Being how it's the date of birth of Neil Boulane, the baby actor of the young Indiana Jones in " _The Adventures of Young Indiana Jones_ : _My First Adventure"_

 _.._ Also, in researching for this, I also found about the subculture that was rather attracted to single dads...Odd to say the least.

Please, also, feel free to give me prompt ideas for this story, and I hope you have a happy day.


End file.
